Dying to give life!

While exhausted and over heated from extreme yard work I didn’t want to stop at whatever was making my son scream at me to, “look Mommy!!” Honesty is ok in a blog right? He tends to be, well, exaggerated when there’s work involved. I expected there to be nothing at all. His job was to make sure nothing was hiding in the 7 in tall grass that was just mowed 9 days ago. Instead he was playing in the passion vine following where all the shoots had attached to the bushes.

A little back story, we planted at spring last year a garden and several other flowering plants around the yard for nectar to work on a summer journaling project. Our friends were all right when they said we would have no shortage of things in nature to observe and record!

Now, fast forward to the simple truth that this passion vine was meant to cover the ugly air conditioner but has fizzled and never even bloomed last year. This year something has been happening to the blooms and they aren’t even opening, unless under the extreme cover of darkness (which is possible).

Currently this vine looks more like a dead weed on a trellis. Sad but true.

Side story, yesterday also was a wake up to a sweet note from a friend of a friend (who I simply adore) that really reflected her heart to be honest and let me know that she had a testimony of God healing me shared at a home meeting in her house. I knew that this had happened, but she didn’t know I knew and wanted to write me a note that my pain, my suffering, my barren moments and the divine healing had been used by God to help others in that meeting. I knew all too well that I have not shared my story of coming so close the sting of death enough. After all, I was given so much life after each desperate valley experience.

My son had stopped yesterday to realize that devouring this vine were an abundant amount of brightly colored caterpillars!

Gulf Fritillary

Yes God – I’m listening! I was hard pressed all afternoon to think of anything else but what my heart was aching on; The story of the child waiting in heaven who I believe is being held by angels and is healthy in the vast glory of God. While also thinking that I was so close to mowing over that mostly dead “Florida weed”….oh God, how I would’ve destroyed my own garden bringing forth life.

This morning I woke up earlier than I normally do to the sunrise and decided to open my window and wait till the sun fully engulfed the sky. Butterflies all morning captured my window laying more eggs, soaking up some nectar from nearby plants (hibiscus, salvia, confederate jasmine and fire bush with an occasional stop by the goldfish pond). I know they aren’t supposed to eat nectar from all those bushes, I’m just documenting my observations.

I heard a familiar scripture in my heart, “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” Now that may have been what God said to Pharaoh but back up one verse in Romans and you’ll hear the main the theme of chapter 9, “it does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.”

My life has so often seemed like that passion fruit vine; so full of beautiful potential and yet so barren. All the while, God had big plans for His Glory.

Trust me my friend, if you are walking in Faith – there is a plan for His glory even when we scar our hearts in the valley of the shadow of death. If you made choices that landed you in the valley…God can still show His redemption to the world by showing you mercy and raising up life from your story! The scriptures warn that we don’t get to decide whose lives are sacrificed for His sake but if we do what the disciples of Jesus did and willingly give ours away then we can be sure that He will raise us up (Romans 8:10-11) and give us life. I stand in faith and I can look back and tell you that the near death and moments of dying to my own desires has indeed brought forth much life. Not because I did anything but merely because I trusted in a greater purpose and gave in to the journey – Don’t give up my friends! The decay will be pruned, and there is greater potential for life!

Respect the Dad moments in your life.

Reblogged from Shelley Hilliard:

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Even if you think you missed out, please find a guy with a father's heart to walk next to in life.  I pray for my kids daily but I'll be honest, and say that I pray for my husband and his father's heart at least three times as much. It's hard to be a real man in a time when everything is microwave fast because becoming a great father takes time and patience.

Read more… 241 more words

Motherhood: sometimes it’s a blur!

You see motherhood is so unique and complicated it can’t be simplified but if I had to, I’d break it down into these two types of moments during the years I’ve watched moms and been a mom.

1. You can only watch your children learn – you can’t learn for them.

Mothering is similar to being at a carnival. There is an ever changing midway, the attractions are always there and sometimes we set great limits and see our child succeed. Like the first big slide and our children feel so accomplished!

While sometimes are children get into things that we can’t always rush them out of even if we never stop watching over them. Did your kid ever get stuck in a fun house? Yeah, like that! We yell to reassure them that they can return – even the way they came if they want but they have to move….we will catch them but they have to learn their own limits. The worst and most heart breaking moments as parents are the moments are kids are just out of reach and must do something alone. My son in the bounce house reminded me that all I can do is warn him someone will try and keep him down….but it’s up to him to keep trying.

2. Motherhood and parenting is mostly blurry with moments of clarity! Keep Going!

My niece graduated this week and try as I might I could not capture it in a still image. My children are almost always like that….even in quiet times. Listen my kids are ADD or unable to sit still but I’m telling you, the very essence of their growing is slow and steady. Unless you have developed an incredible wit (high powered lens) you will not capture all the moments of their maturing but it’s happening none the less. Enjoy the blur!!! Capture and save some blurry images for your albums! It will stand as an epic reminder that parenting in the blur is the most notable skill we can hope to achieve. We can parent in the clarity like a pro even when we are new, but taking time to mother while they are fast and furious takes careful practice. We have to aim well, redirect when we can and learn the necessary moments to intervene – and let go of A LOT!

God teaches me something new every day and I am ok with that… I’m learning, even on days I think that I am the one stuck in the fun house!

Happy Mother’s Day – S

Teachers Appreciation Week

Check out this link for a perfect teachers appreciation blog for that family schooling at home. Written by motivating home educator Lisa E!
Teacher Appreciation for the “Other” Teachers.

This amazing writer captured my heart and my smile when she put to pen an appreciation for doing school within your home!!

No matter what method to the madness you choose or why people do school outside of the public systems everyone should appreciated!

For my home, here is a glance of a few good moments recently when every child finished their lessons with ease. Don’t worry, it’s not perfect patty at our house but I like to capture the few, and the proud moments when these people devour their studies!

Giving up on giving up; inspiration included

Honest reflection: I have been told most of my life (after adolescence) that I “know how to get people to do things”. What people often declared was out of jealousy or ill will was actually very true. I loved to be honest, brutally honest and that stuns some and made others just agree to help. I spent a long time making sure I wasn’t being manipulating. So whether it was the actual amount I needed to fix a car, the amount of people I needed to work a booth at church or the need of a friend or neighbor, people tend to help me.

I’ve grown very used to being the person who tries to find volunteers and even find funds. In the last five years I’ve grown a little weary!

It’s sort of depressing when the economy effects how willing people are to lend a helping hand to someone or an organization that does good. I’ve encouraged my family and friends most of my life so add in the factor that the last two years with them have been emotionally exhausting. Well, I’m running out lately of “motivation” to motivate!

The refueling: (8 mths ago) Working (again) from home, schooling 3 and seriously running on almost empty I knew the current mission could be a huge opportunity to really make a difference and encourage a large number of people. However 6 months ago when I was almost a wits end and in a time when my husband and I have personally given more than I had to everyone around us including financially, I cried out to God for an opportunity to find hope again. So what do you think God in His infinite wisdom gives me?

You guessed it, an open door that looked like a dark tunnel with no end. The next couple of months saw a glimpse of miracles, terrible circumstances and many sleepless nights. Did I mention more than half of the people I asked to help me were either declining or simply not showing up! Yet God continued to show up.

I was again running on pure faith (and breaking heart) and yet witnessing:
- young people beginning to catch eternal vision for their life
- a dear friend finally after 17 yrs begin to pray and cry out for God
- a new group of volunteers that were excited about doing things for others
- a family close to me begin to find peace in where they were instead of being in distress
- many people feed and many people who were on their own taking care of the homeless (this was a huge motivation for me personally because I always feel insignificant)
- people near to me find something to cherish in life, including a few who discovered the life they have right in front of them.

You see even when a close friend was suffering many miles away and I couldn’t be there. Even when someone close to me is forgetting the long talks we enjoyed for over 7 years and even when a beloved mentor left me heartbroken and disappointed: God was reminding me of how good He is.

The tunnel was merely a mirage you see. Some times we must go by faith into the darkness and BE the light. Let Jesus in you, shine light on your circumstances.

My pastor preached last night on the latest tragedies in the nation and the reality that God is only good. It really reminded me that He always makes a way, and He has always been the one who really gave me a voice.

His voice in me. His compassion in me, not me at all. (I of course knew this all along.) He used the pain and the miracles of life all happening at the same time to keep me on my knees in both gratitude and prayer.

Even if I never have another person receive that they can make a difference, even if no one ever volunteers when there’s a need or even if it all falls apart – God still loves me.

Look, I’m not special God wants to always be your sunshine and wind beneath your sails too! The fact is that I often let people reflect on me when it’s only God who I should listen to.

Best rule of motivating yourself: When life around you is not going well, help someone else -
- new to helping others? Start little with something instantly gratifying like helping a friend move, or giving someone hungry a hot meal.
- haven’t felt helpful lately? Call or write a handwritten letter to someone you know and only tell them how they bless you! (Even if its just one sentence on a postcard.)
- afraid to get involved? Find a local Salvation Army …they can take donations, raise money by you shopping in their thrift store or simply call or send a donation. (As an organization they do a huge amount of helpful work programs and shelter options across the nation.)

Trust me, the bible is a great help to remind us why we are still here!

If you feel tired, and weary – Jesus does hear us and if we look to Him we will find rest, encouragement and a love that doesn’t reject us!

He gave up His life so we could live with a purpose. My most important moments in life might have already happened, and even if that’s the case I want to look to today and expect something great!

I am going to give up on trying to give up on hope! Hope is alive and demands to be found in the smallest of things & the grandest of things.

As I will no doubt grieve my closest friend the rest of my life. I know she is most honored when I encourage others to always look around and find just one person to smile at today. Find that complete stranger and be kind! Notice the sunrise, or simply realize that someone is watching you!

I am so thankful for Jared! He made my day last week when I was tired and sleepy! God knew….God sent a gift. God always always always sends us each a gift. -SH

Loving today, praying for more but thankful for before

When I hear people talk about their relationships I often laugh at the over the top things people say. Yet when I look into the face of my dearest in the midst of realizing that once again he left his sink a mess I can’t stay mad. His features and his love remind me that his messy sink isn’t going to really drive me crazy unless I focus on it.

I have probably never in 9 years said anything about the sink, so surprise my love!

I sit here thinking that on many days of the week I ask, “Really God why me?” Many days its because of a week like this last one. I’m still tired and soar, but also have a full heart and a full life.

I don’t deserve my children, and I’m so glad I get to live their childhood. My littlest just turned five and asked me to help him buy me a diamond heart necklace on Sunday. He gave me a huge hug and offered me anything in the jewelry case! What mom could deny the pure love behind that gesture.

My youngest daughter last week offered to help clean my desk and was willing to pick up poop in the yard just so daddy didn’t stay outside as long and I could have more time to talk to him.

My little man sang out loud with me in the car to one of his favorite songs as we danced at a red light in the car. I don’t know about you but in our world that is love from an 11 yr old boy!! He even laughed at one of my jokes this week. He also spent three hours serving in a parking lot for an outreach and another three hours this week helping with little kids when I needed.

My life isn’t perfect. I spilled ketchup on my floor and let it dry before I cleaned it. I ruined a shirt that I should have laundered better and I even messed up a phone call but I recognize when to live in the now. Right now as I type I long to be asleep but the moments thoughts can not escape in a dream. My world needs to know that I am more than happy in my life; I am incredibly blessed, joyful, and relieved.

Happiness is like a wave but joy is like water….always available from the source. I don’t judge the success of my marriage, children or life based on the reaction of other people (especially my spouse and kids). I do however rest in the arms of comfort that I’m doing my best and that gets better every day.

My dearest closest girlfriend left this earth and I desperately miss her but I can’t imagine having lived close to her and never really knowing the beauty that was her soul. My children are worth knowing today and tomorrow but I don’t and won’t steal their personal joys (even if it is dragon flies)! My spouse is the greatest thing that happened to me beside Jesus but I am not hanging my life on his favorite food or something crazy. My friend was afraid to die until someone told her she probably wouldn’t live as long as most people. Suddenly she began to take life one dream and one day or week at a time. She also became much more open minded about living. We share those moments together and it genuinely changed my life.

When I lost my baby girl God promised and yet held a girl short of nine months later, I promised to live better.

My husband and I promised to always make time for our marriage so we didn’t ruin this beautiful rare thing. We promised to love for today. Pour all of yourself out and always pour more into our homes than our “work”. That daughter is turning 8 soon and we’ve figured out how to keep those promises.

Hard work isn’t always fruitful right away but the real harvest is worth so much more.
I’m praying for more days but if I don’t get as many as I want, let my legacy be that I did my best everyday and was forgiven much by God and loved every day.

Try it this holy week? Try loving hard and forgiving hard…..I dare you.

Common mom; uncommon prayer group

Let’s face it, when churches were in their boom (pretty much any where in the globe, but mainly Western churches) there was no kids ministries carting kids off to some where that they can scream!

I understand the commentary, “they would enjoy it better in children’s church”, “adults really do need to hear what’s going on”, and my all time favorite, “the children will make great friends!”

Listen, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church, and I adore my children’s ministries. I have been the mom forcing their child to go into the sunday school class to ensure they hear a relevant and hard hitting fun style message.

I also am responsible for training my child in the way he should go. My home has prayer time and so does my church. I find that most people abandon their children and never really invite them to see Mom or Dad in prayer at church. Parents, What are you afraid of?

My children are not “entertainment deprived” and I will not torture them with being at a 7 hour prayer meeting. So, they can and should be able to learn how to stay quiet, respectful and eventually learn to pray for the church in large prayer meetings.

So, for those of you who stare at me while I sit closely to my son and once again redirect him to a quiet voice, or the person who saw me walking around the church with my daughter in tow; here is my list of reasons WHY my attitude should be common in the church house.

1. When my kids hear me pray at home, they also hear me pray the same way (repentant heart and prayers for others) at church.

2. My children also hear the hearts of my pastors and leadership pray for this community and more importantly hear the word of God spoken as prayers.

3. When I met Jesus …. I met him with the heart of a child, because I was a child. His message of love was delivered to me by a child who herself sat in charismatic worship services, tent services, prayer meetings and children’s services. She had the most articulate heart of God I had ever met. I’d heard about Jesus from grandparents, church sunday school (adults) and even my own sister (older by 7 years). Yet, the story of miracle power and God’s redemption wasn’t something she saw — it was something she could speak to specifically.

4. My Jesus said, bring the little children to me. Why? Maybe because even if they cry, He knows it’s out of faith that He will hear them and answer. // Side note, tonight in prayer as I leaned over to tell one child to talk with inside library voices or be quiet I saw a lady glance at me from across the room. My daughter loudly whispers back, you know the whisper that might as well be a scream, “Well, the Lord isn’t surprised or disturbed at my voice because [brother] hit me with his book….and I needed to tell him to stop!” ~

5. If you think for one moment that your “time” of prayer is interrupted by a small voice asking to go to the bathroom…then I question your ability to “pray without ceasing” any other time.  Not that I’m super spiritual but I think we forget that this “house of prayer” should also be a learning place…we can’t learn if we’re all grown and take our kids out of the learning enviroment.

*I will say this: I want my children to respect the time, respect and revere and to understand why there are times in prayer that everyone is quiet and times in prayer where we gather or rally together in a vibrant worship corus.  So, if you see me correct my children please remember, I’m a simple mom – but I’m not hear to let my kids run around untamed.  Please stop judging my discipline of them, know that true love sets boundaries. (You wouldn’t ask me to let them scream out in a library either….so, don’t worry they are old enough to sit respectfully for 20 minutes.)

OH – I almost forgot:  My top reason – because when the moment strikes them and they DO join in prayer….the heavens are moved, and that is something worth letting the spirit of God and the saints of my church guide in a child’s heart. <3

Thank you for listening to my musings of the current “childless” corporate prayer meetings and my small part to teach the next generation how to join in a chorus with one heart and pray for this nation, and the globe. — Peace, S

Giving thanks because it’s due: Thanksgiving 2012

I grow weary of mass text messages, mass emails and things that seem thoughtful when someone is typing it but really bog me down on a day to be thankful. Although I am thankful for the people who send me those messages I am not always using those devices on holidays while I spend time with my family.  It can be a little hard to deal with when you try to turn your phone back on and there are so many dings, whistles and rings that you can’t barely call someone.

In honor of all of those Happy Thanksgiving messages here is my contribution! Many people have created a list of their things they are thankful for, mostly because we all have trouble being thankful every day.  Here is my list in concise form so you can share your thoughts with me in comments that won’t get buried on a timeline.

I AM FULL OF THANKS FOR (in no real order)

1. Spring: the baby fawns showing up in the nearby grassy places and the new life that comes each year to remind me that God is real and faithful.
2. My experiences that have lead to such a fun, difficult, painful, but completely valuable and all together amazing journey thus far in life.  I clearly couldn’t make this stuff up – as my friend says – but I’m glad that it’s taught me to have a grateful heart.
3. My walk with the Lord and my testimony that no matter how badly I fail, how many things happen – God always makes a way to let us back in His arms and returns to His followers a spirit of peace.
4. A great many mentors and people in my life. Some may have had flaws, but they all have helped me realize my weaknesses, build on my strengths and let God control what people think of me in the meantime doing my best to stay focused on living out loud. There are people who no one would know – people who no one would recognize but they all will have great jewels in heaven for putting up with me!
5. The chance to hold and love 5 children.  Two children who I share with someone else, but who I seriously consider my bonus kids. The treasure that warms my heart is being a mom. The very thing I thought once upon a time God would never allow has consumed my days and nights for the last 11 years. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I don’t love every minute, but I love every moment!
6. My parents! Maya Angelou says, “I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”  I am thankful that I learned this lesson and do my best to cherish my parents & their wisdom.
7. A faithful set of friends.  There are different circles of friends some extremely close to you, some a little farther out but engaged and yet another ring of people you can always call but that you may not call every day.  I am thankful that I have friends in my life who love me, take me as I am and who allow me to be in theirs. (You know who you are…Love you all!)
8. This little spot on the internet where I can pour my heart out to anyone who will decide to take a gander. Thank you to my readers… you are all very talented yourself and it’s an honor to have you stop by. (I check up on you so I know!) LOL
9. This is my 9th Thanksgiving with my amazing husband. I never would have imagined the depths of the valleys, the struggle of the climbs or the majestic beauty of the mountain tops in our journey: no one has ever loved me so much, and I never believed in soul mates until you. <3 (cue ooohs and aahhs)
10. My flowers… when I have time to tend to them. I love to prune them, sing to them (it’s a scientific thing really) and spend time around my house clipping my mini gardens. Although if you look right now my yard looks like no one lives here…so don’t drive by.
11. My church family and the church family that has stuck with me throughout my journey of faith.  Their all good people, and have amazing hearts and my immediate family is better because of them all.
12. The simple moments with my youngest daughter – the hot cocoa on chilly nights or the outfit shopping that goes out of control into buying a wardrobe.
13. chocolate. yep – I said it – I don’t like it in large portions but I do give thanks for it.
14. the sprout channel. For late night sick kids who just want to watch a cartoon…
15. long walks with my doggie (who likes to walk me sometimes too).
16. date nights. Needs no explanation.
    

    Unleashed – Our date night with great people!

17. redemption.
18. the ability to work for some amazing people with passions and goals that few even attempt. I love assisting these passionate people who are not in it for themselves. God bless them!
19. raising boys – in which I’ve learned more about myself as a woman, mom and more about boys and men than I ever thought possible.
20. my dreams that I see really coming together and making them possible.

Of course – this isn’t an all inclusive list – just a little one to get you in the frightening thoughts of what I am seriously thankful for!

Be blessed and enjoy your winter – and share your thoughts with me!

Butterfly in the sky: Fall into metamorphosis

Fall brought many things to life and my little butterfly garden was busy. The long and short of our lessons are below but certainly not a comprehensive blog. Afterall, in Florida it’s butterfly season all year.

* Waiting for a known chrysalis to open is easier than looking for the missing 3 inch caterpillars who have gone on a walk-a-bout to “change clothes” as my son says! But waiting for a chrysalis feels like an eternity…once you figure out where they put it!

waiting for daylight to burst through the night

* People can make fun of you for finding joy in the natural world but when they too experience the miracle in their hand, they find it harder to ignore the beauty.

* Being there when the chrysalis turns clear is a miracle that is harder to capture in life than children like. Patience is a virtue that often slips through our fingers while we walk right by since we are unwilling to stop long enough to teach ourselves to wait.  Meanwhile if you are lucky enough to see such beauty, you should enjoy every minute of the beautiful unveiling.

* The transformation of our lives sometimes happens without us realizing what we’re doing. The caterpillars shed their old skin with no regard to missing it. We too should be so happy to move out of our old mindsets.

* While watching a caterpillar look for the perfect branch we nearly sat on an emerging butterfly who had made a chrysalis on a blade of grass. We nearly lost it, but were able to help it find fading daylight. // When you need to be transformed the most is when your closest to the bottom. God will even allow us to become new creations in the midst of our valley. Afterall, it’s easier sometimes to fly out versus crawl out of our despair.

* Life may be 70 years for some like the butterflies in Fall but never believe for one minute that we are all guaranteed such lives. The Fall butterfly doesn’t know it lives longer than its ancestor from Spring, nor does the vigor for life change.  We can’t neglect a single day to live.  Capture your dreams, and struggle for them no matter how many days you think you have left to do them. We never know … we never really know.

God bless my friends. Hopefully  I’ll be able to follow-up with you soon. The journey continues…Romans 12!

Respect the Dad moments in your life.

“No one laughs with me like Daddy

The father’s heart makes the best role model.

Dads walk slow enough to enjoy the moment and anticipate the next to keep you from danger.

Maybe it’s one of those things that you should’ve been there for? But, yeah, it’s a Dad thing.

Even if you think you missed out, please find a guy with a father’s heart to walk next to in life.  I pray for my kids daily but I’ll be honest, and say that I pray for my husband and his father’s heart at least three times as much. It’s hard to be a real man in a time when everything is microwave fast because becoming a great father takes time and patience. God does a mighty work in a man once he has become a dad. Some men run but the ones that stay need to know how amazing they are.  This guy in these pictures may or may not have done it right, or wrong but I do know that he did it all with a father’s heart.

Gosh – I’m proud of him. It’s all in the look in his child’s eyes as they hear Daddy’s car in the driveway.  It’s sometimes while he is sneaking them chocolate in the kitchen. Most of all when your child needs a protector and they cry out for that man in their life who always takes care of the bully, you know that’s the guy with a father’s heart.   Protect your Dad, and love him while you can because when the big Daddy takes that guy home you want to make sure you soaked in all the big hugs and pats on the back you could handle.

“Let me try?” … A great Dad can teach more than any teacher.